Here are this week’s shower thoughts.
1-5 Shower Thoughts
1. It’s 2017, any place that charges a convenience fee to pay bills online is just not done.
2. There should be a reality show where flat-earthers have to find the edge of the world.
3. I have never in my life seen someone replace the ink stick in a pen, yet most pens are built so this can be done.
4. If any realistic message came out of Shrek, it would be that ugly people don’t need to worry about being ugly since they will just marry other ugly people.
5. Snickers commercials say “You’re not you when you’re hungry.” But I’m always hungry so who am I.
6-10 Shower Thoughts
6. As much as I use my smartphone I don’t think I have ever seen it in any of my dreams.
7. Mimes are the opposite of ghosts. You can see mimes but can’t see what they interact with. You can’t see ghosts but can see what they interact with.
8. Taking dating advice from attractive people is like taking financial advice from someone who won the lottery.
9. From Saturn’s perspective, today the human terrorist organization “NASA” just attacked them with a dirty bomb.
10. Rap diss tracks are essentially just two grown men writing poems about each other.
11-15 Shower Thoughts
11. I wish horses knew that every time we pass them we say, “Ooh look, horses.”
12. Sometimes the only reason I stop scrolling is that I’ve accidentally pressed the back button and can’t be bothered finding my place a million posts down again. Might as well go to sleep then.
13. Whenever I’m forced to watch an entire ad, it makes me make a mental note in my head to avoid ever buying from that company again.
14. When I was a child, people told me I was an old soul because of my ability to understand the world around me. Now, I’m almost 30 years old and that understanding has turned into a cynical, sarcastic humor where my coping mechanism is to make jokes about everything. Now people tell me I’m childish.
15. Why do we assume that a zombie apocalypse has to have human zombies? Maybe zombie cows will be a threat to all humanity.