Considerate communication

Considerate communication

2018-02-15

  • You get a big long email from someone and think, “Ooof. That’s a lot. I’ll come back to that later.”
    (Then you never do.)
  • Someone tries to talk using some technology you hate, like a surprising incoming video call.
  • You’re having a dilemma and need a good conversation, so you reach out to someone who replies, “Can you make it quick?”
  • You’re overwhelmed with work on a tight deadline, and a friend calls trying to have a long conversation.

It’s hard to match your communication with someone else’s preference and situation.

There’s a huge benefit to getting personal and having a great conversation, but sometimes you need to be extremely succinct.
So how do you reconcile this?
Here’s my advice:


First, always prepare the most succinct version of your reason for contacting someone.

Edit it down to its shortest possible length.
So short that if the person only has 30 seconds to talk, you could communicate your point, ask your question, and get the answer.

With real-time communication, like text chat or phone, just ask at the beginning if they have time.
If they do, then take the time to get personal, be a friend, and have a good conversation.
But if they don’t, then just use the short version.

With non-real-time communication, like email, just assume you’ve only got ten seconds.

Edit your emails down to just a few sentences.

But always give a link to more information, so they can check it out if they have time.
And include your other contact information, in case they prefer a longer conversation about it.
(This is what email signatures are for.)
Then, if they reply and ask, you can give the extra information you edited out before.

Lastly, keep track of their preference for future use.
Many people prefer a text before an incoming call.
But many others have said, “Don’t text to ask if you can call. Just call! If I can’t talk I won’t answer.”

This all may sound obvious, but it’s a bigger problem than people realize.
Considerate communication is surprisingly rare.

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