If you were asked to describe your ideal partner, chances are that you would be quite capable of outlining the features, qualities, and characteristics you would love them to boast.
Even if you believe yourself to currently be with your ‘ideal’ mate, there are always places for improvement (some far more sensical than others) that most of us internalize for the sake of keeping the relationship in place.
But rather than focusing on our existing or future significant other, it’s time for us to assess ourselves and determine just how great of a partner we actually make. To do this, I’ve put together a simple five-question quiz for you to go through and answer.
Each question is based on information that I have informally gathered over time from several long-standing relationships that I admire. Their insight has led me to conclude that these facets can be essential to the building of a relationship foundation strong enough to pass the test of time — even in a world dominated by divorce.
How to Keep Score
The scoring system is based on subtraction, so we all start with a perfect 10 out of 10 points.
For each of the five questions, rate yourself a 0, -1, or -2.
Give yourself a ‘0’ if you embody that trait perfectly, a ‘-1’ if you could use some improvement, and a ‘-2’ if you need some serious work.
With that system in mind, it’s time to take the quiz! I’ve put it together in both video and written form, so choose your medium (and be honest with your responses!).
Question 1: How Well Do You Listen?
Before you instinctively assume yourself to be a great listener, take a moment to honestly think of your typical thought process when talking with someone. Do you actively listen to what they are saying and process it for consideration? Or do you spend the majority of your “listening” time instead formulating your response (whether it be related to the subject matter at hand or not)?
Another factor to keep in mind is how well you listen when the topic is not particularly drama-filled or juicy. It’s traditionally much easier to stay engaged when your wife is telling you about something scandalous happening in one of her friend’s lives versus when she is running you through the happenings of an ordinary day.
Question 2: How Do You React to Their Successes and Failures?
We are all subject to various successes and failures in life, and our partners are no exception. But let’s focus on how you tend to react to the results that stem from the various endeavours they engage in.
Forget how you outwardly react, and focus on how you internally feel when a significant other thrives or fails. When they succeed are you genuinely happy for them at all levels? Or are you actually somewhat jealous of them? And when they fail, does any part of you feel either ashamed or — even worse — prideful in how that makes you feel by comparison?
Question 3: How Do You Respond to Their Need for Help?
When emergencies strike, we all, for the most part, answer the call to action from all of our friends and loved ones. But what about those times when your partner asks for your help with doing something that you didn’t anticipate yourself having to do?
Again focus on your initial internal reaction when you are asked to go grab something at the grocery store or pick up the kids from a friend’s house. Are you typically genuinely happy to provide this assistance? Or do you tend to either snap back in rejection, or accomplish it begrudgingly?
Question 4: Can You Co-Exist in Silence?
For the most part, it’s relatively easy to spend time with a significant other when there is a third party involved. Whether it be another person, a particular place, or some form of entertainment, it’s easy to spend time with someone when there is something there to distract us.
But what about those moments without any distraction in place? Can you easily spend time with just your partner or does it get boring and/or awkward quickly? This is not only a test of presence with each other, but also a challenge of your ability to be with your thoughts.
Question 5: How Do You Feel When You Have Time Apart?
This isn’t about gauging how much you do or don’t long for your partner when life pulls you apart, but rather the initial feeling you have when you find yourselves separated. Does part of you miss the person you proclaim to love? Or do you instead feel a sense of relief when you finally break free from their company?
No good relationship is ever built when one or both parties feel as though they cannot be themselves with the other, and a feeling of relief when they’re gone is one sign that you feel better off without them.
How many points do you have left?
We’re all a work in progress, myself included, so use the results of this test as a guide that reveals the elements in your relationship you could use some work on. Even just being aware of them can often work wonders in making improvements.
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